What I am Looking Forward To

A mere11 weeks from now I will be giving birth to another human being.  At that moment, my job as the host to a parasitic organism will cease and for that I am thankful because lawdy, lawdy I hate being pregnant.  So here's a list of things that I am already anticipating with glee:

1.  Ibuprofen
2.  Sleeping flat on my face on my stomach.
3.  Possibly the diminishing urge to kick people in the face
4.  The return of the ability to eat anything without crippling heartburn
5.  Going to the bathroom without throwing up simultaneously
6.  Ridiculous caffeine consumption
7.  The return of my hip bones into their assigned socket spaces
8.  Never being kicked in the bladder from the inside again
9.  The ability to regulate my body temperature to a reasonable degree
10.  The ability to swallow a pill with water without throwing it back up
11.  Having haircolor stick to my hair
12.  Patience and sympathy, as I have none right now
13.  Never having to answer the obvious question "Haven't you had that baby yet?!?" again.  Obviously, you moron, if I am still pregnant I have NOT had that baby yet.  You, however, owe me $10 for wasting the oxygen needed to speak those words of stupidity aloud.
14.  Being able to answer the question "So, when are you going to have another one?" with "Never. Asshole."
15.  Standing up without doing a remarkable impression of a drunken penguin
16.  Being physically able to stay awake past 8:30pm when necessary
17.  WINE.  and WINE.  Oh, and Wine.
18.  Red wine
19. White wine
20.  Margaritas and other delectable alcoholic goodies.