For M.T.

At the behest of a coworker that I like quite a lot, I have decided to write another post today, about self control.  And how much of it I am required to have.

See, she noticed that I'd commented on a Facebook post from our employer that we didn't have to work today because of massive power outages and tree damage from the hurricane.  There were some really smart people asking some really thoughtful, intelligent and useful questions.  And I felt those questions needed a rational response, right?

OK, I'm lying.  This was a prime example of what happens when stupid gets wi-fi.

School System Post: "All the schools are closed tomorrow because none of them have electricity and fallen trees are blocking their entrances. We don't know when power will be restored at this time"

Idiot 1: So what about football practice?

Idiot 2: What about Professional Development on Tuesday?  Do I have to go to that?

Idiot 3:  What about Marching Band Camp?

Me:  You f&cking retarded idiots, can you not read?  It says (imagine someone meanly imitating the speech of a deaf person without a cochlear implant while simultaneously mimicing sign language) THE SCHOOLS ARE CLOSED.  This means, for the uninitiated, that the schools are not open and YOU DON'T GO THERE. And furthermore, can YOU tell the future? You got a nice crystal ball at your house, with your WCW memorabilia and various taxidermied wildlife?  Because MY LITERATE ASS read that they don't KNOW if there will be school Tuesday so WHY do you expect them to have ANSWERS about Tuesday?  Did the hurricane knock over your remaining neural net?  Geez, if you can't say something intelligent, shut the f&ck up.

Ok, no, I didn't actually type that.  And I don't think that my ass is actually literate, although I've never given the question serious thought before.  I believe I answered something more like "I don't think those decisions have been made" and "The schools are closed, like a snow day.  You don't go there." But inside, my rage was totally writing the above response.

   So you see, I have a lot of self control.  Because like Herr Mozart, I had the perfect response composed in my noodle and yet I decided to abstain in the interest of continued employment and avoiding assault charges.  But know that when you say something truly stupid, I am judging you.  I judge your grammar. I judge your vocabulary. And in my head I have a fantastic obscene and offensive response to your idiocy that I choose to keep to myself.  Usually.