So, since I started out in this pregnancy roughly the size of a borough of NYC, I'm only supposed to gain 10-15lbs as opposed to the 22-30lbs that are recommended for a "normal" woman. By the time The Squirt was born, I'd gained about 35lbs, but had lost all but about 7lbs of it by the time I left the hospital, and the other 7 was mostly gone by the end of the school year. So I considered that a win.
Another occupational hazard to being Queens is that the majority of the medical profession is convinced that you're going to die immediately from your grossness, if not sooner. Never mind that I don't have high blood pressure, joint or mobility problems, all those things that are the horrible and inevitable consequence of being more whale than human.
So, I have seen an endocrinologist for several years because like many chubbies, my thyroid is more or less as useful as the average person's gallbladder. You know, it just sits there on top of your liver or whatever, secreting its green bile that you don't actually NEED for anything until one day when it decides that was one too many onion rings and decides to stab you in the back. Well, my original endocrinologist decided that not only did I have hypothyroidism, I was also clearly suffering from ploycystic ovarian syndrome, despite the fact that the only symptoms I have of that condition are being overweight and having a not-incredible fasting glucose level. All those other pesky symptoms related to fertility had just passed me by, I suppose. But wait! That's not all! In addition to being required by my weight to be infertile and hairy (which I am not, either) I'm also required to be diabetic!
But the funnest part is that in addition to the Phantom PCOS, it appeared I was also the first woman on earth to suffer from Phantom Diabetes. You know, the diabetes where you don't actually have any major issues with your blood sugar. And your test results are in the clinically normal range (albeit, I will admit, on the high end of normal). But that's inconsequential because, you see, I'm fat. So therefore the diabetes must be hiding. And the treatment for Phantom Diabetes? An insulin pump! And a new endocrinologist.
So that all leads up to what I discovered this morning..... I'm 18.5 weeks pregnant and as of this morning I weigh eactly 5lbs less than I did when I started. And that's ok by me because there's no doubt by my expanding waistline that Niblet is growing in there (size of a mango, claims the interwebz). So clearly there's less of ME than there was to begin with. And that doesn't suck.
Other things that clearly suck: Most of the people I know in the greater Richmond area don't have any power, still, after Hurricane Irene came to go bowling among our trees. They don't sell pudding pops reliably anymore. My dog has a lazy eye. Ok, well the last part doesn't REALLY suck, it's actually kind of funny.
Good call on the new endocrinologist. One of the down-sides to all this great new medical technology is that we've trained a whole generation of medical "experts" who know how to use the machines and tests, but have lost their ability to look at a patient and actually *see* what's going on with him/her. There is an epidemic of over-treatment going on because doctors seem to have forgotten how to apply a little common sense to their analysis.
ReplyDeleteHaving been divested of my gall bladder by a surgeon I used to sing with, your description is spot on.
ReplyDeleteSadly, its absence has resulted in being unable to eat more than a bite of prime rib or a tablespoon of any sort of fettucine.
Doctors wouldn't order so many tests if people didn't sue them for using common sense and telling them there is nothing wrong and that they are, in fact, a hypochondriac. The unfortunate side effect of abuse of the legal system is doctors who are so scared of their own brains that they order every expensive test available just so that they can say they did...because you can just bet if they didn't, some dumb ass will say that they were discriminated against because they truly believe they have a brain tumor even if 40 MRI's show a normal brain. (or, relatively normal since you can't see moronic tendencies on an MRI)
ReplyDeleteIt really is a lose-lose situation. Patients with even a modicum of intelligence have to be treated like morons just in case they want to sue a doctor for not running a bunch of unnecessary tests because the doctor doesn't feel they are necessary.
True story...we had a patient who had over 100 MRI's and CT scans in less than a year...on the taxpayer dime because they were public aid...because she insisted that she was paralyzed despite the fact that she could move just fine and had normal reflexes and not one symptom of being paralyzed except that she believed that she must have been. It was so bad that a doctor finally told her she was going to end up with cancer due to the excess amounts of radiation she was subjecting her body to every couple of weeks. (or more often if she could convince a doctor in the ER to admit her) She threatened legal action if they didn't continue running the scans because she might someday be paralyzed and then they wouldn't know.
I miss pudding pops.....
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