What to Expect when you're Expecting Kindergarten

Today we greeted a fresh new crop of 5 year olds to the public school system. Wide eyed and adorable, they timidly took their first steps towards being educated and productive members of society.

Wait, who am I kidding?  Kindergarten ain't nothing like that anymore! Kindergarteners are all about the sound bites.  Take these gems:

"My mommy said to let me use the potty because I just pee when I want."

"My mommy and daddy SLEEP IN THE SAME BED!" (said with great gravity)

Me: "Why did you throw that kangaroo?"
Kid: "I just felt it here, in my liver."

Kid: "You're really big.  Are you a ninja warrior?"
Me: "Why yes I am.  Now go sit down."

"I was in the bathroom a long time because I had to do a really big poop."

"I just CAN'T use crayons that don't have a pointy end."

"Can I have your snack?"

Me: "Tell me about what you drew."
Kid: "Well, that's my mommy and those are her boobies."


Me: "So if you had three balloons and I give you another one, how many would you have then?"
Kid: "Probably just two because I'm hard on balloons."

So if you're sending a kid to Kindergarten this year or sometime soon, take notes.  They're damn funny.