The Ways that I Ruin My Mother's Life

I am a terrible, horrible, inconsiderate and rude person.  Did you know that?  Well, if you're not sure, all you have to do is ask my mother!  Of all the people on Earth who hold a low or negative opinion of me, my mother takes the cake.  Surprising?  Let me ennumerate the ways in which I ruin my mother's life...

1.  I do not care if I have a rug in my laundry room and have no intention of running out to purchase one.
2.  I was not personally offended by the khaki colored paint job on the walls of our living room and hall.
3.  I do not have a piece of furniture designated for the top of the staircase.
4.  I am unable to provide her in April with firm dates for when I will visit Georgia in July.  This includes being unable to tell her which standby flight I will arrive on. Nor am I able to provide a firm date for when I will acquire a shed.
5.  I am unable to stop teaching/sleeping/living on a moment's notice to look up something online for her.
6.  I do not believe that listening to her say "HELLO LITTLE GIRL" in a monster voice for 30-45 minutes on speakerphone daily does me or my daughter any good.
7.  Despite my husband's intense dislike and objection to ceiling fans running in the bedroom at night, I still choose to sleep in the same bed as he does rather than in the guest room.
8.  I am unable to quit my job to be a stay at home mother.
9.  I don't actually CARE if my husband and I leave our dirty laundry in a pile on the floor of the bathroom.  It's all in one place when I want to wash it.
10.  I neglected to plant the preferred selection of bulbs and petunias in my yard this fall and spring.
11.  I dare to disagree with her stance that Harry Potter is teaching witchcraft to children.
12.  I don't believe I have any obligation to LIKE people in my family just because they're related to me.
13.  The presence of my dog's crate that he loves is more important to me than maintaining a "continuity of wood tone" in my bedroom.
14.  I am not offended by unpainted wood.  I accept stain and varnish as viable finish options.
15.  I do not believe that the color of blue I chose to paint my kitchen is "HORRIBLE."
16.  I do not iron my toddler's clothes.
17.  I will run the dishwasher when it isn't filled to overflowing, but I will not run the washing machine for 1 or 2 dishtowels.
18.  I believe one can make purchases from stores other than Tuesday Morning and TJ Maxx.
19.  I find it unnecessary to scream and clutch the door handle in the car upon making a left hand turn.
20.  I choose to put my child to bed right after her bath rather than letting her play in the evening in her pajamas.

You see what a hideous, horrible daughter I am?  I know, I'm a total disaster.  And based on the text messages I get with appalling regularity ennumerating my unholy sins, I'm pretty much going straight to hell after this week's episode of Project Runway.