Accessories vs Me

Those of you who know me in real life may or may not have noticed that I am not the snazziest dresser.  I've blogged about maternity clothes and being generally the size of a smaller Canadian Province in the ass area but even in my non-knocked up state, I don't exactly push the envelope of fashion.  In the last couple of years having been inspired by a very stylish and adorable co-worker with whom I share a classroom I've attempted to up the ante a bit and have added some more respectable boots and other accessories to my normal wardrobe of black, grey or khaki pants and solid color v-neck shirts and sweaters or camisole/cardigan combinations. I'd like to be someone who wears the right jewelry and shoes with everything like my roommate at school or our impossibly perfect guidance counselor, but frankly I'd rather wear ugly shoes and have no blisters... and the only jewelry I haven't lost in a spectacularly short period of time is my wedding set.

   But then there are what I call "statement necklaces."

   Recently I was lunching with a couple of friends and we got onto the topic of a former co-worker who used to be a serious statement necklace enthusiast.  Now, I'm as pro-necklace as the next girl although I don't wear them often myself, but there are times when the statement necklace seems to be to be a bit of a fashion disaster.

  For example, if you are built like say, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum with no discernible neck, highlighting this genetic misfortune with a necklace that appears to be made of elephant kidney stones might not be the best choice for you.  Weeble Wobbles wobble but they don't fall down, true, but neither should they adorn their neck-less selves with all the acrylic and stone finery that Talbots and Coldwater Creek have to offer.  If the statement your necklace is making is "I'm going to eat your face," then perhaps you ought to rethink the statement?

  So I implore you- consider your neck before attempting the Statement Necklace.  If you don't HAVE a neck, investigate other jewelry options. I may not be the proper judge of what is or isn't cutting edge, but I promise that the discomfort you're causing me by forcing me to decide whether the hairy beads on the necklace that appears to be strangling you through the folds of your chunky turtleneck sweater are organically derived or artistically created isn't worth the $50 you spend on some plastic beads.

Accessories can be dangerous.  Practice safe adornment.