When I was a little girl, my parents appeared to take their parenting responsibility seriously. I was fed three meals a day, usually containing some nutritional content. My clothes fit and were seasonally appropriate. I never got lice. They signed forms and returned them to school, attended meetings when required, came to concerts, and gave me the choice of buying or bringing my lunch each day, even giving the choice of PBJ, bologna and cheese or salami sandwiches. My brother and I were not allowed to watch horror movies, anything rated R or anything that involved sex. My mother still firmly believes that "fart" and "crap" are full on curse words, despite the fact that in the last year she's learned to drop the appropriate F bomb here and there.
Husband and I attempt to do the same sort of parenting for our daughter, and I'm sure that will continue when her sister is born. Something inside us just tells us that it's our job to provide food, shelter, clothing and guidance for our children. Among my circle of friends who also have kids, this seems to be the going trend of parenting: actual childcare. Are we mutants? It appears so.
Why do I think so? Well because in the last couple of weeks it has been made clear to me that I have been placing far too many expectations upon myself! I need to take it easy! How have I learned this lesson? Why, I've been taught by the parents of public school students!
I don't actually HAVE to feed my child 3 meals a day despite the fact that we can afford healthy, nutritious and often tasty fare. And if I'd rather not be responsible for that, the school system will just do it for me.
And returning permission slips? Unnecessary. That is, unless I decided at 8:45am the morning of a field trip that leaves at 9:30 that I'd rather not pack my child's lunch despite saying I would beforehand. If I just give her a few dollars to take with her, SURELY the teacher can stop and pick up something for my child to eat, right? If not, he can just eat her sandwich. She has a job after all and gets 3 months off every summer, I'm sure she can afford another one.
Maybe my daughter only speaks in monosyllabic whine and has a recurrent case of head lice? Well, if I was a good parent apparently I'd just wait until the school wanted to take care of the communication problem with some free therapy, and as for the lice, can't the nurse just pick it out for me?
And now that the weather's changing and it's in the mid 40's in the morning when my child heads off to school, I don't really need to worry about whether or not she has a jacket or coat. If she shows up in 48 degree weather in shorts and a t-shirt shivering, they'll just give her a new outfit at school.
And now that The Squirt is on the verge of turning 2, we have that whole potty training issue ahead of us. I THOUGHT that was going to be something we'd need to figure out and get cracking on, but as it turns out, she doesn't actually have to be potty trained to go to school. At least apparently not, as we have a half dozen students in Kindergarten and first grade who regularly urinate and/or defecate in their pants. And that's ok, because the school will just take care of it. They'll clean my child up (but they BETTER NOT SEE HER NAKED OR I WILL SUE!!!), give her new clean clothes, evaluate her to see if she needs medical attention or special education theraputic services and just take care of that little problem for me.
I dunno, mutant or not, I still feel somewhat compelled to, oh, I don't know, CARE FOR MY CHILD. And I am increasingly disturbed at the dwindling pool of parents who seem to believe that this is what they're supposed to do as well.
What you are obviously failing to understand is the SPECIALNESS involved here. I'm not talking about the specialness of the child (It's late and I don't have time to wax rhapsodic on THAT score.)
ReplyDeleteNo, I'm referring to the ULTRA SUPER DUCKY SPECIALNESS of the parental unit(s).
They are so busy/under-privileged/over-privileged/tired/co-dependent/adult ADHD/chemically dependent/emotionally stunted/in need of a great big hug (circle your excuse du jour)that they don't have time/resources to do every little nit-picky thing you want.
Why, stopping at Taco Bell so that one child, out of dozens, can get a beef Meximelt, would, I think, be the least that you could do. I'm sure that if you thought about it, you could come up with a solution that is fair to everyone; especially fair to the special offspring of such special people. After all, you're THE TEACHER.
As for seasonally appropriate clothing, perhaps you are unaware that Madden 2012 is available. Video game or a coat the little brat will lose or grow out of in 2 months? Do the math, Missus SmartyPants Teacher. It's all about the special parents and how much THEY deserve the best and the most and the only.
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I fear that you and your friends who are attempting to "do the right thing" by your children are in the minority and it makes me sad. I was raised the same way you were. My mother would have died from mortification if I'd brought a note home suggesting that she wasn't providing me with the proper tools to function in primary school (clothes, potty training, etc.)
I weep for the future.
Wait! You mean you would have potty trained my child and provided lunch for her last year? And to think I only allowed you to do her hair. Sheesh! I see where I went wrong.
ReplyDeleteLump those parents in with the particular parent who keeps bringing her child to Rowan's class sick over and over again (but apparently also has blackmail photos of the daycare teacher/director so that her kid NEVER gets sent home). While the rest of us do the responsible thing and take off work every time our munchkin gets sick so as not to infect the rest of thier class, their parents, and their newborn brothers or sisters at home, this child's mother could care less if her kid is Typhoid Mary. I'm having a hard time containing my anger when she stood in front of me at dropoff on Monday explaining to the teacher for 5 minutes how her kid had a "bad cold" and was running a fever and then just handed her little monster (who is also a total asshole bully who bites the other kids). The teacher just shrugged her shoulders and took the kid. Coincidentally, Rowan came home on Monday evening with a cold and we were told that we couldn't bring her back until Wednesday. WTF? This stellar example of parenting dedication also brings in Burger King for breakfast every single morning for her child and the daycare teachers have to feed her this fast food breakfast, and has since her kid started eating solids when they were still in the baby room. Breakfast is not one of the meals on the daycare schedule, and don't even get me started on the lunacy of feeding french toast dipping sticks to a 9 month old every single day. Every time her kid gets Rowan sick or bites Rowan I want to punch her.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Toni, YOU never had me do her hair, that was Jeremey. And he still owes me $20 for salon services!
ReplyDeleteDon't get me started on potty training. We had a parent tell a teacher "no, it's your job. you spend more time with him than i do." about a 4 year old who just stands in the middle of classrooms and poops, then smiles and says "Clean my butt."
ReplyDeleteAnd Michele, don't blame the teacher, because I can promise you teachers don't get to make the decision. We hate that parent, too, because we work crap paying jobs with no insurance benefits and that outbreak monkey makes us sick, too, but we don't get to take days off if we're sick, or we get written up and could lose our jobs. But we're at the mercy of our sycophantic administration. Who lets certain parents get away with everything while seeming to single out others, probably because those "privileged" parents provide some sort of free service.